


Albus Potter and the hidden hearts

by BindiTheSkunk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baby Frodo, Bilbo is So Done, Cute Kids, Family Fluff, Gryffindor Albus Severus Potter, Hiding in Plain Sight, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant Plot, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry Tolkien, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post Mpreg, Protective Thorin, Relationship Reveal, Remus Lupin Lives, Reveal, Sassy Bilbo Baggins, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Sirius Black Lives, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Thorin is a Softie, Unexpected Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28240266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BindiTheSkunk/pseuds/BindiTheSkunk
Summary: Thorin Durin and Bilbo Baggins HATE each other and everyone at Hogwarts knows it, but as they say, things are not always as they appear! When something unexpected comes up everything is sent into a whirlwind
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Bofur/Frerin (Tolkien)
Comments: 69
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

The morning had started off so well too...

"YOU ARE SO STUBBORN!!"

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING!"

'THE HIPPOGRIFF CALLED, IT WANTS IT'S OVERLY BIG BEAK BACK!"

"HOW DARE YOU..."

"Oi, they are at it again..." Lily mumbled as she and her brothers walked down the hallways of Hogwarts, wishing the weekend had not been so short.

"I'm actually surprised neither of them has hexed the other one yet..." Albus nodded

"Guess their hate of each other is not so bad they would risk a trip to Azkaban" Lily quipped grinning a bit, as much as both teachers were good at their jobs, their arguing was extremely irritating to the many who had a front-row seat to it.

It was so strange too!

They both came from important families, but both, for some reason, chose to teach at a school that had been previously known for many tragedies when they both were well off enough to not lift a finger, ever, but they were good teachers, so maybe they just enjoyed doing it.

Thorin Durin was an amazing transfiguration professor, if a bit loud when someone disobeyed him or made fun of his love for animals, he was rather friendly when you behaved yourself and happily allowed his students to play with his animals in their off time.

Bilbo Baggins was just as much so at defense against the dark arts, not to mention being one of the few professors to have more than one term in the position without turning out to be evil or just straight up dying horrifically and many a student had been surprised at how much their teacher could pack away at mealtimes despite his small size. 

No incidents had happened at the school ever since Voldemort had been defeated, no one had gone missing or other nastiness.

Suppose the defeating of great evil was great for job security and making that particular role less likely to kill, maim or hex the person in it, not to mention how now all the new teachers had to go through several magical checks to make sure they were who they said they were as to avoid any criminals taking up inside the castle like the previous years.

No one wanted a repeat performance of any of that...shouting matches could be dealt with, another giant snake in the basement was less likely to go over well.

Though their shouting did tend to wear on others..

"WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!" came Prof. Baggins's higher-pitched voice as Prof. Durin's deep laughter sounded off right after.

"Shouldn't we stop them?" Albus asked, he feared the door would be blasted off its hinges if they got any louder! 

"Let them get it out..." James said as he kept a grip on his sister's robe to keep her from peeking inside. 

"If you say so, brother..."

"Oh Wait, sounds like they have stopped..."  
\---  
"How about we stop the shouting now dear? My throat is becoming sore..." Bilbo whispered from his spot perched on the desk as Thorin tended to a bird that was going to be used in his next lesson that seemed undisturbed by his master's previous bellowing.

"I think we have done enough, want me to get your tea?" Thorin asked as he fed some seed to the parrot.

"No thank you, I must say it is rather nice to just shout a bit, no wonder you are practically trained in the sport" Bilbo quipped, smirking as he poured himself some tea with honey to help his vocal cords, his class was done for the day but he had a particularly messy subject to teach in the morning and he did not need to be hoarse for it.

Thorin just smirked back, it was a long-running tease, done often after one of their 'fights' to show it was all in good fun and to prevent a nasty scandal with the students "Well if my students would listen rather then try and transform their homework into random toys and knick-knacks my voice would not need to go above a rather enthusiastic shout and you are getting better, in fact, I find your attempts...stimulating"

"Not in the classroom..we should head out before they wonder why we are not shouting anymore..." Bilbo said and with a grimace messed up his curly locks and untucked his shirt well Thorin did something similar to his own outfit, needed to look the part after all.

Working at the school was a dream, but it did come at the cost of them being unable to be affectionate in public, well relationships between teachers was not forbidden, it could lead to problems going forward, especially since they both came from prominent families, their marriage would be a field day for the papers.

Thorin's father and grandfather had not enjoyed the secrecy, nor had Bungo Baggins, Bilbo's father, but after convincing them (with some help from Belladonna Baggins who was always happy to get into some naughty goings about and more than gleeful to get her husband to join in ) that they did not need it known that a member of a family that was practically royalty was married to a relatively lower classed nobles house.

Especially when they wanted to have a more simple life and teach instead of getting into all the politics of their stations, Thorin said he might one day want to take up his responsibilities and then they would be able to confess the truth, but for now, peace and giving knowledge to the future generations sounded much more appealing.

It was Bilbo's idea to pretend to hate each other

He pointed out that if they were around each other too much acting friendly and whatnot, people would talk and worst case, would think they were up to something, that scandal would be bad for both of their families, accusations could ruin people even when they were proven to be false, the stain remained, so they chose to keep their affections private, yes the other teachers and the headmistress knew, but the students did not need to know, kids could spread gossip like wildfire after all.

It also helped that they both chose to keep their last names

Bilbo Durin or Thorin Baggins just did not sound right...

But what neither of them knew is that their secret would be exposed very soon and it would change more in their lives than they thought...


	2. Chapter 2

"Lycanthropy is an illness known to be spread by contact between saliva and blood; thus, when a transformed werewolf bites a human, the bitten will become a werewolf themselves. Most Muggles, however, will die from the extent of their injuries in the instance of a werewolf attack as noted by-" 

Bilbo read from the book in his hands, hoping it was not opening a sore spot for certain students whose parents had adored their previous defense teacher who happened to have the affliction mentioned, thankfully he was under protection with his wife and his son managed to enroll in the school with little issue.

It was honestly horrible how werewolves got treated once exposed! A majority of their kind could not help it and took potions to keep themselves in their right minds during the change and suffered greatly from having it, but decades of stigma would not go away overnight, nor by spreading more hate.

Suppose that is what he had to be there for, education was the only way to defeat ignorance, all you needed was a faithful to the subject book and a willing student. 

He just wished his stomach was not proving to be a rebel this morning...

"Professor Baggin's, are you alright? You look really pale!" A girl said after raising her hand politely, Helga...Badayaga? 

Bilbo gave what he hoped was a convincing smile 

"I am quite alright, thank you for your concern though, I'm sure I will be fine once we head out for some proper lunch," the professor said, though he doubted he would be able to eat a bite with how he felt, but he perhaps should force himself, it was most likely nothing and perhaps some bread would soak up any nastiness in his belly. 

Strange how things would be different today, considering he had been more ravenous than usual as of late. 

Thankfully Fili and Kili were wizards already out of school, regulars at the Weasly brother's joke shop and thick as thieves with the twins, otherwise they might have made a quip about writing it in the history books, the day that Bilbo Baggins was not hungry, he loved those lads but their humor needed work a majority of the time. 

Though it was concerning that the pain seemed to be getting stronger.

\---

"Now hold him up like that, see? He likes you" Thorin smiled, removing his hands from under one of his student's arms as a boy happily held a young phoenix on his left arm, the colorful bird nuzzling his cheek earning giggles from the first year boy. 

"Phoenixes are very difficult to domesticate, as Newton Scamander says in his book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: "The phoenix gains an XXXX rating not because it is aggressive, but because very few wizards have ever succeeded in domesticating it." Ones that happen to latch to their wizard or witch will be very loyal to them, this little fellow is just a hatchling, on his first life, I hope he will keep this docile personality he is currently displaying, now who can tell me-" 

The door burst open as another student, not from his class ran in the poor girl looking like she had run the whole way there and was gasping for air like it had been robbed from her lungs.

"Mi...prof...bag..colap-." the girl whimpered as Thorin rushed over to her, thinking the poor lass might have a condition, coming to his class for help and led her over to his chair to sit down. 

"Now, what is going on? Do you need the nurse?" Thorin asked softly, knowing the infirmary was on the other side of the school, and if she was having an attack of some kind she never would have made it. 

"Professor Baggins collapsed!" she finally managed to exclaim. 

Thorin nearly broke the door off its hinges opening it after shouting for someone to fetch the nurse. 

\---

"Professor please hold on! Helga went for help!" Albus said as he attempted to help the red-faced teacher get into a more comfortable position on the floor, trying to keep his voice steady as his brother was looking on, no doubt scared out of his mind, he had to be brave for him.

Bilbo tried desperately not to scream as pain tore across his back and stomach, he had tried to work through the cramping, hoping he could finish the class before making his way to the nurse to get checked out.

This was not a simple bellyache 

Heavy boots came down the hall as Thorin Durin ran in and before Albus could form a sarcastic judgment on Helga's choice of help for the other professor the raven-haired man had already scooped Bilbo into his arms as if he weighed nothing and ran back out the door.

A gaggle of students followed behind both curious and concerned.

\----

An hour passed by as students waited outside the infirmary, some other teachers had also ended up joining them also concerned about the sudden collapse. 

A high-pitched squeal drew everyone's attention.

"That sounded just like a baby!" Lily exclaimed jumping to her feet. 

The door opened and the nurse gasped upon seeing her uninvited guests outside her domain. 

"Now this is not a theater! Go back to your class or your dorms!" the nurse whisper-shouted which made a few of the onlookers even more curious. 

Lily peeked under her arm and nearly squealed herself "It is a baby!" 

Everyone quickly started trying to get a peek for themselves, only held back by the nurse's glare and saw that their defense teacher was laying in one of the cots, fast asleep well Professor Durin was sitting in the seat next to the bed, holding a bundle with curly locks that were the color of the night sky, the same shade as his own. 

Thorin chuckled seeing the crowd that had appeared, still, a bit shaken at everything that had happened the past hour, but also feeling elated that he and his beloveds son was alright.

Little Frodo was perfect


	3. Chapter 3

"Am I doing it right?" Bilbo asked nervously as he held Frodo, he had been around children before, but never this small! And he just mostly told them stories. 

"You are doing great my love" Thorin encouraged, remembering how he felt when he held Fili for the first time like the tiny form would break in his grip or blow away from him in a strong breeze.

"The nurse confirmed, he is...alright?" Bilbo asked, trying not to sound as scared as he was, he knew many things could go wrong with a pregnancy like his, very few wizards had the ability, and that was when you knew you had a little one under your heart! 

"You both are going to be taken to a proper hospital to get checked out, but from what she has been able to tell, he is perfectly healthy, you took very good care of him" Thorin tried to soothe, knowing it most likely did not help much, but it perhaps was something.

"I only ate a bit more than usual" Bilbo flatly said as Frodo gained an interest in his sleeve.

"Has your appetite, good to know" Thorin smiled "These things do happen-"

"To muggles! They even made a show about it in their world, but here, I should have noticed" Bilbo really tried not to shout, but it was becoming hard not to be frustrated with his own apparent negligence of his son. 

"I did not exactly notice anything either, you looked the same and I just thought with winter coming up you were naturally eating more, its instinct for everyone and everything to do that, its no one's fault, you did not have any sickness or tried to rip my beard out at random intervals" 

"Please don't joke...there must have been something-" 

"There wasn't, we both have been very busy and any microscopic signs we might have seen went passed us, it's no one's fault, I'll tell the students the truth...then, we can make plans for what to do next, the school is no place for a baby and I can't just leave you alone with him nine months of the year, we did this together and we will stay together," Thorin said softly, he loved teaching, but he loved Bilbo and his newborn son more.

"Oh! What are we going to tell our family!? My dad is going to have a heart attack, your father is going to pitch a fit-" Bilbo started before Thorin put his fingers over his mouth.

"Tell them they have a beautiful new little one to love" Thorin calmly said, knowing his sister would be having a field day with him being the reasonable one for once. 

"At least wait till we are in the hospital, so at least my father can have his spells in a safe spot," Bilbo asked and Thorin nodded, thinking his lover was just over exaggerating, Bungo Baggin's was a huge fusspot, yes, but he did marry a spirited woman who had not lost any of it afterward, though her husband was capable of reining in actions that might have done more harm than good.   
\---

Thorin was wrong

Bungo Baggins had not fainted, an already historical achievement by his side of the family upon receiving such news, but he was rather enthusiastically breathing into a paper bag that had recently contained a couple of sandwiches which Belladonna had brought for her son and son-in-law who appreciated the gesture as hospital food proved to be rather bland. 

"Bungo, stop fooling around with that bag like you are a cat! Our grandson is adorable and keeps looking over at you, he wants to meet his pop-pop!" Belladonna laughed as Frodo grabbed her thumbs, curiously looking at them before attempting to pop one of the digits into his mouth for further testing. 

Bungo slowly walked over, trying not to be queezy seeing the IV despite it not being attached to anyone and looked at the babe, smiling when the bluest eyes he had ever seen looked back, time would tell if they would darken slightly into his father's image or turn green to match his birth givers. 

This was a perfectly nice and quiet little mo-

"Wheres my grandson!?" came a joyful voice from the doorway. 

Well at least it lasted a few minutes Bungo thought as Thrain wandered over to be a polite distance from his fellow grandfather and be able to grin at the baby who looked between the two as if he was not sure what to make of the new guest. 

"The doctors say he is a healthy little one" Bungo confirmed seeing his son and son-in-law looked a bit surprised, most likely at the other taking the news so well, Thrain could have a temper to match his son's at times.

"Born into a spirited family, of course, he is" Thrain smiled at the smaller man before he faced Frodo once more "You sure scared everyone by being a secret" the scared man scolded lightly and got a giggle as his response. 

"Father, there is something I wish to discuss with you," Thorin said once he regained the ability to speak upon seeing his father's jolly response, best to get the business part of things out of the way, then they could focus on getting things ready at their home for Frodo. 

Thrain nodded, guessing what the talk would be about and both Durin's went out into the hallway to give Bilbo some privacy with his own parents.   
\---  
"I'm guessing your planning on taking up the family's responsibilities?" Thrain asked, he had been actually rather happy with his sons choice to be a teacher for a while, good way to learn diplomacy and dealing with a room of people who are known for being, unruly, under the knowledge Thorin would return to his birthright, he had not expected it this soon though.

But there are many things that can change the most well-laid plans.

Thorin nodded at his father's question "I will be very busy keeping up the Durin name, but at least Bilbo and Frodo won't be alone for months on end and we can still visit the school and offer assistance when asked" his own son would no doubt be enrolled in the school one day, a nerve-wracking thought, but also exciting that they could get him on a good start with experience in the field. 

"And I'm not just going to dump all the workload into your lap, the little one will need both his parents, after all, I remember when you were first born-"

Oh please, not in the hallway...

"I would have to go to a meeting and both your mother and I had a time of getting you to let go of my beard! You knew something was up and clung onto me, it was so adorable and hilarious at the same time!" Thrain chuckled as Thorin went red, his son could be so easily embarrassed!   
\---  
"Your really going to go back home? No longer teach at Hogwarts?" Belladonna asked "We could always watch Frodo, and I'm sure Thora would-" 

"Thank you for the offering mother, but neither one of us wants to come home from working and find he no longer recognizes us or we can't bond because his parents are away so many months out of the year" Bilbo had heard horror stories like that before, children bonding more with their nannies and maids, then when their parents wanted some family time, the child behaved with them as if they were a stranger. 

It was a breeding ground for problems

Yes, he would ultimately need Frodo to be babysat sometimes, both he and Thorin would be busy doing their new jobs and getting used to them, but they would not need to be gone months of the year or ask for permission to take Frodo with them to the school, that also would cause its own issues.

"Perhaps they would be permitted to send and receive letters? Considering other Defence teacher's track records, it might be a good idea to offer pointers to my replacement" Bilbo asked looking down at Frodo despite not expecting an answer.

Frodo just gummed on his foot


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you really have to go? We would love seeing the baby every day!" Lily pouted as she snuggled Frodo having given the puppy eyes till she was allowed to hold him. 

"Sorry Miss Potter, but Frodo can't be raised in a school, babies need a lot of caring for, Hogwarts is wonderful, but it is also noisy, random creatures running about and I don't think it would be right having your lessons interrupted by him being hungry or needing a change," Bilbo said, heart melting a bit at the cute scene, not wanting to bring up he was still recovering and needed rest himself.

Not to mention Thorin was also exhausted from getting into the swing of his family goings about once again and doing his part with Frodo, no one needed a professor that was falling asleep at their desk or pronouncing eggs as pegs. 

Headmistress McGonagall would be taking up her former position as Transfiguration teacher till a replacement could be found and after quite a few votes in his favor, Remus Lupin was allowed to become defense teacher once again.

Though a few odd looks had been given when he had walked in with a black dog...

But everyone had quickly forgotten about it when said dog peed on the pantleg of a particularly rude student who had insulted the werewolf (and Thorin may or may not have sneaked it bacon and chicken)

The subtle smirk on the dog's face was also ignored by those who saw it

\---

"You really don't need to go through all of this trouble, he can't even walk yet-" Bilbo tried to say as his parents and in-laws wandered around helping to baby-proof the place.

"Now, now don't worry dear, we want to help, and trust me, you're going to need all of that you can get!" Thora waved off his worries.

"And you thought I got my stubbornness from my father" Thorin joked as he held Frodo's car seat who was thankfully still asleep, having not woken up from his family's banging and shouting for a random tool to install a baby-proof lock or other such things.

"You got double wammied on that front then dear" Bilbo smirked back.

"I heard that" 

"Oops" 

\---

After the couple barely avoided getting thwacked with a spoon both went upstairs for some rest, thankfully Thrain had dragged Thorin's old crib out of storage and set it up so the boy had a good spot to sleep and would not be forced to do so in his car seat.

Thorin set down some papers on his desk, he would get to them after a quick ten-minute snooze, his father was trying to convince him to not just jump right into work, saying they all did fine when he was at the school and he earned some time off with his husband and new baby.

Thorin would have enjoyed a little paternity leave, but despite money not being an issue, he still needed to uphold a proper image, now that his relationship had been exposed to the wizarding world.

Bilbo planned on helping Thorin with his work and the raven-haired man would need to be careful to work on most of it when the other man was sleeping, which would hopefully be a lot, the unexpected birth had taken a lot out of the ex-defense teacher and as many jokes that were made at Thorin's expense about his stubbornness, Bilbo could be just as stubborn. 

Perhaps Gandalf would work as a distraction? 

The old wizard seemed to have made it his mission during visits to drive Thorin up every wall in the house with his eccentricities, but, he never would have met Bilbo if not for the old man, so he owed him that much, and he could just imagine Gandalf's delight at seeing a babe he could play with and no doubt gift fireworks to when older.

Every gift Frodo got from him would be scanned   
\----  
Thorin woke up fifteen minutes later and was thankful that Bilbo was still asleep

Getting up, the raven-haired man mourned the loss of the warmth his love provided and tucked the blankets back around the smaller man to keep him comfortable and headed for his desk.

Time to get back into the swing of things

Thankfully Thorin managed to do the sorting and signing in good time, like riding a bike he guessed never really forget it, and his ears pricked up hearing Frodo start to whimper in his crib.

"Shh, shh" Thorin soothed as he walked over to the crib and picked the baby whose face was scrunched up, either getting ready for a wail or trying to use his diaper the new father was not sure. 

Thorin headed downstairs just in case it was the former and patted Frodo's back, this seemed to help as the baby stopped whimpering and watched with half-open eyes as his father prepped a bottle for him. 

"There we go little one" Thorin said as Frodo happily took the offered bottle once it was heated appropriately, and the Durin heir had to make sure his son did not choke on it earning another whimper "silly, It is not going anywhere" 

All he got was a confused noise as a reply

Suppose all first meals for babies after they got home from the hospital were like this, they were hungry and in a whole new environment or wet, cold and hungry at the same time! That would make anyone upset. 

Thorin honestly could not wait to show off his son, a perfect blend of his husband and himself, despite his unexpected delivery, Frodo was healthy and whole, neither of them could have asked for a better outcome with the circumstances. 

_Knock knock_

Did someone lock themselves out?

Thorin walked to the door and opened it after burping Frodo and frowned at what was on the other end.

"Hello, we are from the press-"

**SLAM**


	5. Chapter 5

Bunch of buzzards! The whole lot! 

Thorin did his best not to grumble, trying to form a tune in his throat instead as he waved his wand which closed the last drape in the house to keep out the giant nose that seemed eager to stick itself in his business.

It helped his temper carting around Frodo who was fighting sleep and quickly losing with his father's soft humming and the rocking that the march around the house was producing. 

Of course, Thorin knew the papers would be trying to bang down his door upon hearing of the newest Durin, but not this soon..Frodo was just born! How on earth did the news get out so quickly? Oh well, he would worry about it later, right now he had to keep everything and everyone calm, no one needed the stress. 

He already had enough silver in his hair...

The best option was to keep things quiet and not give in to them, something bigger and newer would come along and they would go drool over that and forget about the Durin-Baggins clan. 

Just don't let them get to you Thorin...  
\----  
Bilbo knew he should have paid Hamfast to pick up some shopping for him...

He had been so cooped up in the house though! Thorin needed to get some work done and Bilbo thought it would be nice to give him some peace to do it, Frodo needed fresh air too, and socializing was good for him, would be nice bonding as well, and thought wearing dull colored casual clothing and a hat would be enough to disguise him.

No such luck!

The small man quickly pulled the blanket over Frodo's carrier, hiding him from view as a few people came over and a camera was aimed at the infant.

"Seems he got the Durin raven locks and blue eyes!" a reporter with a gaudy pink dress said "No question of him being of the high class!" 

Oh! She did NOT just accuse him of-!

Another took Bilbo's obvious disgust at being accused of infidelity to yank the cover off of Frodo's little haven and snap a picture causing a sharp light to pop off with a loud snapping sound.

"Get away from him!" Bilbo nearly screamed as he moved to make sure Frodo was alright, ignoring how spots danced before his eyes caused by the camera's flash. 

"He's fine, the camera loves him! And he loves it!" 

Frodo's next reaction said otherwise

_"WAAAHHHH!!!!!"_

Bilbo would blame HIS next reaction on lingering hormones to outside witnesses. 

\---

"Was smashing his camera really necessary?"

"I wanted to smash his nose in and then hex the idiot to make him throw up toads" 

Bilbo sat in his favorite chair, sipping some tea to try and keep from storming back out for more cameras to throw to the ground, a still frazzled Frodo in his arms who clung to his parent like a lifeline.

"Want to come to uncle Frerin so your mama can use both hands?" Frerin cooed as he tried to lift Frodo up, ignoring the look Bilbo shot at him that threatened to burn a hole in the younger Durin heir at being called mama, but both frowned when Frodo just cried and refused to release his hold.

Thorin walked in quickly at the cry, a bottle for Frodo in hand and had a much easier time of getting his son to let go and was allowed to hold him despite the baby still clinging to Bilbo's tie with one hand "Now, none of that, you're safe now" 

"They really frightened him," Bilbo said as he managed to free his tie to avoid being choked and to allow Thorin to straighten his back. 

"They did let loose a flash camera at him, those freak out adults," Frerin said "after they yanked his blankie away and started bellowing like a foghorn, all he knew was his mama and daddy were not in his line of sight and this new guy just shoved a flashy thing in his face" 

"Those types of people have no shame, even heard stories of them breaking into peoples homes looking for something to spread around" Thorin flatly stated looking like someone had spit in his favorite shoes, or rather, like someone had scared the living daylights out of his newborn son for a cheap photo opportunity.

"Hopefully they will find something else to drool over," Bilbo said as he finished his tea.

"I can pay the neighbor a few bucks to run around their sprinkler system in my underwear" Frerin suggested grinning at the idea.

"No, you already did that after Dis got engaged to Vili, they won't fall for it a second time," Thorin said as he handed Frodo back over to Bilbo to be burped since the other already had a cloth over his shoulder for said purpose. 

"I'm sure we will think of something, or just stay inside and wait it out till they get bored," Bilbo said as he patted Frodo's back, he knew how stubborn those who were in media could be, he had heard the story of little Lily Potters father who had been at the non-existent mercy of one such reporter, twisting his words to fit what she thought would sell. 

No one was surprised when it came out she was an unregistered animagus and was no longer allowed to even touch a reporters quill again, but as they say, cut the head off of one snake and two more pop out from the corpse, Albus mentioned several trying to bother his parents, trying to find holes in their happy marriage or deliberately try and cause a problem by outright lying. 

Did they honestly have nothing better to do? Some more important things to report? 

Well

One thing was for certain

They would not come near Frodo again!


	6. Chapter 6

"We just want to ask you some questions!" Banging and shouts came from the door as the ones inside were ready to have a meltdown from the chaos outside. 

"NO! NO! there's nobody home!" Bilbo screeched as Frodo cried at the noise outside, more idiots trying to get a picture of the now three weeks old baby. 

Apparently not being able to get a photo of the newest Durin was driving all the papers insane and seemed determined to drive the new parents mad themselves with their attempts to get one. 

Bilbo wanted to both shoot off hexes and burst into tears, Frodo was a perfectly good baby, quiet and content to snuggle, he only got upset when dirty or hungry, or these idiots chose to bother him!

Which they seemed to try to do every-waking-moment...

A flash went off near his left side

That was IT!!!!

Setting Frodo down in his carrier, Bilbo picked up his wand making it spark dangerously "Let's both make some noise my dear!" the small man went to the window and opened it and fired off a spell as soon as the camera was lifted up at his face.

The camera shook before it floated out of the reporter's hands much to his shock and started firing off rapidly at its owner and the other people around them making them shout in irritation at the bright flashing and made Bilbo grin.

Let's see how they like it!

Bilbo closed the window and put his wand away so he could scoop Frodo up and rock him "There we are, they're gone, your safe now, I took care of it, how about we both have some nice lunch now, hm?" 

\----  
"BAHAHAAHA!!!!" Thorin laughed as he tried his best to not fall off the sofa, only keeping in his spot with Bilbo's help who was holding the eldest Durin sibling's arm smiling himself at the show.

Bilbo loved it when Thorin laughed, he rarely did, but it was so cute when it happened, his cheeks turning the color of a ripe apple and his sunshine smile lighting up his face. 

"B-breath brother! Y-your turning as blue as your s-shirt!" Frerin cackled himself, both siblings having a great time with the mental images conjured after hearing about the earlier events of the day where Bilbo chased a bunch of nosy buzzards off with their own cameras. 

Thorin hoped they got chased all the way down the street before the spell wore off! 

And that someone got pictures of the incident so he and Frerin could see it in its full glory.

"How about I grab some wine and we celebrate at least temporarily getting rid of those morons?" Frerin suggested only for Thorin to shake his head.

"Frodo is still here and it's not fair for Bilbo to not be able to have any" Thorin said as he scooped his son up who seemed perfectly content with his fathers imitation of a jolly sealion. 

"Though I do have an idea..."

\---

"Are you sure this is alright? It really does seem rather soon..." Bilbo wondered as Thora cooed at Frodo, she and Thror having agreed to watch Frodo for a few hours so that Thorin and Bilbo could have a date night.

"Nonsense dear! You both need a night off from everything and time to enjoy some couples fun" Thora smiled as she pats her grandson-in-laws head with her free hand, she knew how hard it was leaving your baby, even if was with a relative, for only a few hours, but it was important to have moments where you and your spouse can enjoy each others company.

Did not mean you loved your baby any less or that you're being irresponsible, it was healthy to get away from work for a bit and have a good time. 

Poor Lis had been even worse! On the first date after Thorin's birth, she had called over fifteen times during the night out! The poor girl had been in a tizzy throughout the date according to her son and even the violinist coming over to play a personal favorite of theirs had only calmed her nervousness to where she did not dash home at that moment. 

But Thora honestly could not truly blame her, giving birth to her first baby several weeks premature and him coming out bruised looking and limp had not done anyone's blood pressure any favors!

The papers made it worse

They had the nerve to say they had seen Lis smoking and drinking throughout her pregnancy! 

Bah! That girl everything right! She had been careful to the point of silliness to make sure her beloved baby was healthy, it was all just bad luck what happened and Thorin turned out perfectly fine. 

At least little Frodo made it to term considering his odds and the smell of pipe-smoke had made Bilbo sick so he cut out his own smoking habit so that was of no threat and the little one had been confirmed to be healthy as could be. 

Thorin had been a pretty quiet baby too, at least till you made him mad! Then he would show you his tiny lungs were just fine! 

Frodo could scream a good one too when he saw someone he did not know lurking around, the boy was proving to be a very efficient alarm. 

"Abababaaaabaaiaaa!" Frodo babbled making his great-grandmother coo. 

"Are you talking to me? You must be saying 'yes daddy I'm fine, have a good time with papa!' " Thora said in a higher-pitched voice at the last part making Bilbo chuckle. 

"Your right, your right, just hope no one decides to get picture-happy during our date" Bilbo flatly stated as he fixed his hair in a nearby mirror. 

"Give em a good smack from me if they do!" Thror laughed as he walked in and allowed Frodo to grab his thumb "Bunch of buzzards like my grandson says, nothing better to do with their own lives so they have to butt in on others" 

"I picked out a nice, family-owned small restaurant, nothing that would draw attention," Thorin said walking in behind his grandfather, he was dressed in a nice blue suit that Bilbo recognized as the one he wore on their very first date and his hair had been pulled into a ponytail like he had it then too and the smaller man had to fight down a blush. 

And some called Thorin unattractive! Bah! They would not know beauty if it bit them in the arse! 

"Go on then! Have an amazing night and don't worry about a thing" Thror encouraged as he gently herded the couple towards the door, knowing that the longer they stayed inside the more excuses not to go would raise their ugly heads. 

"Frodo was just fed so you should not have to worry for a while and if he gets fussy just play some of that muggle musician for him" 

"It's on the table near his crib, he also enjoys it if you just sing to him, but the tape is good for if you're too tired" 

"The other bottles-"

"Are in the fridge and the bottle warmer is in the cupboard next to the diapers and he likes it a bit on the warmer side" Thror parroted making the new parents go red at being called out on their fussiness. 

Thankfully that was all it took to get them out the door and into the night for a romantic evening. 

"Let's draw the curtains and see what movies they have to play for him" 

"I'll get the popcorn and the pacifier and you get the movie and his blanket"


	7. Chapter 7

Both admittedly stayed nervous about twenty minutes after they sat down, but the soft atmosphere of the little restaurant proved to be rather calming on the new parents who knew nothing would ever happen to Frodo with his great-grandparents or any of their close relatives. 

They allowed themselves to relax and smiled at each other.

"He's getting big isn't he?" Thorin smiled a bit wider thinking about the tiny baby that had almost fit into his hands a little over a month back had now grown with a mass of black curls quickly making themselves known. 

"A lot has happened in this month and a half" Bilbo nodded, Frodo arriving, getting everything prepared in a whirlwind of emotions and coming home to a media circus who did not know the meaning of the word 'no'. 

Trying to get a cheap story or picture at the cost of scaring an infant...though he had heard stories of them stomping on people in their rush to get a scoop and even stories where people died from their actions.

Muggle and Wizarding world media were the same on that front, caring only about themselves, it was sickening how a mass of people could turn into a stampede of frothing beasts at the idea of supposed reward. 

Thankfully Thorin had been allowed to take his work home with him so he was always somewhere in the house if someone got crazy and overpowered Bilbo, which was becoming a bigger and bigger possibility since no one had managed to get a picture of Frodo yet outside of, of course, relatives who would not release them into public view, what lengths would those psychotics go to...

No, no scary thoughts, not now

Thorin noted his husband's stressed face and put a large warm hand over his smaller and slightly chilled one "We both are over-thinking right now, aren't we? This night is supposed to be about us, just a few hours, trust me, if anyone tries to get to Frodo they will be at the other end of both my grandparent's wands" 

Bilbo smiled at that, Thror and Thora were perfectly pleasant people, but violently protective of those they loved.

"I just wish he did not have to deal with those animals, he is just a baby and yet he is constantly having to deal with banging on the door and people screaming, this is the reason we got married in secret! So we would not have to deal with this sort of thing" Bilbo vented

"Things rarely go completely to plan, unfortunately, no matter how many boxes you check" Thorin grumbled at the memories of yanking a reporter off of the trellis in the garden which caused them both to fall and flatten Bilbo's poor begonia's.

The creep nearly uprooted a rose bush as well in his rush to get away from the angered father and poor Hamfast nearly fainted at the sight of it and Thorin ended up paying him triple his normal fee to make up for it (and partially because the Gardner tripped up another reporter who was poking around with his rake)

Hamfast having been just as irritated as his employers at his ruined work and the attempts to gain dirt on the Durin house, he too had them following his daytime schedules to attempt an impromptu interview for information.

The gardener politely told them to find a proper hobby and that he was happy with his work, that is all he ever told them. 

"They won't leave us alone" Bilbo sighed "They're trying to go after my parents...even Hamfast and his family! What do they hope to get out of us?" 

"They do not care what they get, but I suppose they're waiting for us to do something wrong, they love picking people apart, lying to try and make something worse" Thorin felt a sour taste go across his tongue as he thought of his mother's issues after having him, already having to deal with the idea her baby might die and then the papers trying to make it out like it was her fault and how his father had been almost unable to comfort her.

"Let us just try and eat something alright?"

"Right"

\---  
"Waahh! Waah!" 

"I tried feeding him..."

"Try changing him" 

"Will you help me?"

"No" 

Both Grandparents watched with great amusement as Frerin tried to change Frodo who was letting his displeasure be known with the choice in who was cleaning his bottom. 

"I think I have got it! Perfect!" Frerin congratulated himself before Frodo decided to prove him wrong by scrunching up his little face and the resulting sound told all present that his efforts were not appreciated.

At least the babe waited till the diaper was at least ON first...

"You just waited for me to get finished, didn't you? You sure Dis is not the one who had him?" Frerin groaned.

"Be nice Frerin" Thora scolded, learning to change a diaper was good for her grandson, when he finally chose to settle down himself and had his own little one to handle, he would be properly prepared.

"I'm also just wondering how the little brownie maker hid himself so well, there is milk in the fridge so is he being..fed the normal way?..then again wouldn't that have been a red flag? Milk leaking all ov-" 

Frerin was Gibbs slapped 

"Not in front of your nephew!" Thror scolded and finished changing the diaper himself as Frerin rubbed the back of his head to soothe the sting back there.

Frodo quickly calmed down after his great-grandfather had done the job to his standards and got to work trying to grab the Durin patriarchs hair to gum on making the owner of said hair laugh joyfully.

"If you like long hair that much my boy we shall have to make sure your daddy knows it and will allow you to grow your hair out like a proper Durin!" Thror smiled and blew a raspberry on Frodo's belly making the babe squeal happily "There's a smile!" 

"A grin to light up a room" Thora giggled herself as she cleaned up the mess and allowed Frerin to commandeer the bowl of popcorn after he had properly washed his hands. 

"Pass me the remote, this show is horrible" 

"It's educational"

"Exactly my point!" 

\---

Dinner had been delicious and had done wonders with calming the couple's nerves. 

After paying for the meal and promising to come again, Bilbo and Thorin decided the night was still young, only eight at night, they could take a nice walk for another hour before heading back.

They started to walk and let the fresh and clean air of the night fill their lungs, it was cool out but not uncomfortable, a wild owl hooted off in the distance and Bilbo chuckled when Thorin jumped a bit at the sound. 

"Creepy things.." Thorin grumbled as Bilbo's giggling reached his ears and lightly poked his husband's nose to make the other pout cutely as they approached the park and saw a newspaper dispenser near the entrance. 

"Oh, look, this morning's papers are out, lets see...hys-WHAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?"


	8. Chapter 8

Thorin wondered if he perhaps should have convinced Bilbo to take a few sips of wine back at the restaurant...

"Hysterical lover of Durin heir nearly kills a helpless reporter trying to do his job'! RUBBISH!!!" Bilbo ranted as he ripped the paper to shreds, the photo only showing him firing off the spell, not what it did, of course. 

This was just going to lead to MORE reporters coming to their door! More questions and sticking their noses where they did not belong! 

"They do realize we are married right?" Thorin wondered earning a glare from Bilbo "You are not some knut store wh-" 

"It is all just a way to get revenge on me for humiliating them with their cameras, they wanted a story so badly they are outright lying!" the smaller man's face was now red from his anger, what? Was it not good enough that they hounded them all at every opportunity and harrassed an infant, but now they were trying to ruin his reputation!

And "Hysterical"!? HA! He would show them hysterical! He was going to march right to that office and give every.single.one of those clot-heads a piece of his mind and hope they had a good appetite for it because it was going to have three courses with a side of shoe!

Thorin grabbed Bilbo's hand before he could wander off to do some damage.

"let's go home and rest, we can deal with this in the morning" Thorin was just as angry as Bilbo, but also realized that the offices would be closed this time of night, so it would just be a waste of time and his husband might be encouraged to spell something particularly nasty over the place when they got there which would just cause more trouble, no one needed more of that.

Bilbo was a scary wizard when he was made angry.  
-

Since when was Thorin the logical one? Bilbo thought to himself.

He was getting tired after his burst of anger and common sense dictated that any place they might go for a good rant would be closed at this time of night and would make any attempts at revenge or discussion useless.

Rustling drew the smaller mans attention along with a grunt of irritation as he turned, Bilbo watched Thorin who was yanking the rest of the papers free from the dispenser and they all got destroyed in a quick flash of blue from the dark-haired wizard's wand. 

Well, at least those papers would not be seeing the light of day.

But they could not run around the city and take care of the rest all night long, they had to get home before they were spotted, so many would see the printed lies in the morning, but by then Thorin would have made sure his Grandparents and parents knew what was coming and could form a counter-attack, trying to defame the Durin family would not go well for them!

Fili and Kili had been born during the time Harry Potter had been in school so they did not have to deal with the media circus back then as the Durin family was considered old news after Dis got married and Frerin's wild party years ended. 

Now with the times of peace came less insanity for the papers to exploit for profit, so once again they were after the higher classes for dirt they could fling around. 

Thorin's nose nearly curled thinking about how the papers must have drooled over the idea of getting the first scoop on the unexpected birth, what did they even want to know? Frodo was good at hiding and Bilbo did not have any warning signals and any that he did could be put off as stress since they did work with kids and had a lot of preparation for classes every day. 

Pictures of Frodo? 

Fat chance! 

Thorin would willingly shave himself bald before he gave any pictures of his son to anyone! 

"Look that's them over there!" Someone called and the couple found themselves surrounded by flashing cameras, even at night these things never stopped!!

Oh, what fresh hell was this...

"Is it true that you two attacked reporters just passing in the street!?" 

"Did you really not know you were pregnant?!" 

"Why was your marriage kept secret?!" 

"How does it feel having an infant when you have two grown nephews?" 

"Was the marriage a political one?" 

Why why why why why why why how how how howhow how-bequiet...quiet...quiet...

Bilbo opened his mouth to shout...to scream!

He never got the chance

"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!" 

Thorin's roar cut through the questions, the clicking of camera buttons, and made the crowd back up as though the dark-haired man had suddenly caught fire and sprouted dragon wings.

"I have had it up to here with all of you! Not only do you descend upon my son mear days after his birth, but also poke and prod at my husband well he was still recovering! Then you destroy our garden, harass our employee but also attempt to ruin my beloved's reputation just because he played a harmless prank! Now you run up to us on our date and start asking a bunch of questions! You want answers!? FINE! Bilbo never attacked anyone! He DEFENDED himself and our son! We kept our marriage private to avoid this exact MESS! and as far as my nephews are concerned... I am fine with it and so are they! they adore their baby cousin! and NO...nothing about our marriage was about politics, we fell in love and married with only those we love and trusted present! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!!?!?" 

Thorin's face was as red as a tomato as he panted from his rant, his whole body shaking, teeth bared like a dog that had been kicked too many times and was ready to defend itself from the ones who did the kicking, only to be met with blank stares and none of the pests dared to move an inch.

Bilbo found the display both nerve-wracking and stimulating ...

"Lets go home my love, I think they will be standing stupefied for a while..." Bilbo wrapped his hands around Thorin's upper arm and felt the muscles under his fingers, stiff from rage, relax under his grip as Thorin let the last of his anger out with a heavy exhale.

"Your right, let us go home before they regain whatever they have that resembles a mind"

Most likely something rotted that smelled of old socks if Thorin was to offer his guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can most likely tell I'm not a huge fan of paparazzi or those like them...nor of events like Black Friday where people have DIED at the hands of greed levels that would make a dwarf raise an eyebrow. 
> 
> Since 2006, 11 people have died and more than 100 have been injured in Black Friday-related incidents.
> 
> A couple of examples
> 
> In 2008, a New York Walmart employee was overrun by a crowd of 2k shoppers, who proceeded to stream over his body as he lay on the linoleum floor. “When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, ‘I’ve been in line since yesterday morning,’” a witness told the AP. “They kept shopping.”
> 
> Three years later, at a West Virginia Target, a 61-year-old collapsed and died from a stress-induced heart attack. Shoppers stepped around his fallen body.
> 
> now for paparazzi 
> 
> Harry Styles actually rescued a young fan who fell down in the middle of a paparazzi swarm
> 
> Ukrainian "reporter" and prankster Vitalii Sediuk tackled Leonardo DiCaprio at the Santa Barbara International Film Festival. The man nuzzled his face against DiCaprio’s nether region for several minutes before being hauled away by security.
> 
> In 2012, Halle Berry had a confrontation with the paparazzi after they pursued her daughter at school.
> 
> Suri Cruise, along with her famous mom and dad, is often hounded by the paparazzi. In 2013, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, who was 7 years old at the time, was actually called a “brat” and a “bit*h” by a member of the paparazzi after she yelled at the photographers, telling them to stop and to get out of her way.
> 
> \--
> 
> It's AMAZING how greedy and selfish people can be, isn't it?


	9. Chapter 9

Thorin should have screamed at those buzzards sooner! This was fantastic!

The press had been quiet the past few days and everyone was making the most of it and enjoying the peace, they knew it most likely would not last long, but for now, it was nice.

Both Thorin and Bilbo sat in the backyard, relaxing in a wicker sofa that had been a Christmas gift one year from Bungo and Belladonna, the sun was shining and Frodo sat content in Thorin's arms as he tried to grab at a flower hanging over his head that was just out of his little fingers reach. Bilbo had his head leaning against Thorin's other arm, enjoying the cute show he was getting. 

"You love flowers just as much as I do, don't you, my dear?" Bilbo softly asked as he gently took Frodo's hand in between his fingers and lightly shook it to distract him from trying to make a meal out of the plant making the babe laugh. 

Thorin smiled at his husband and son, his loves honey-colored curls draped over his shoulder, Frodo's tiny body secured against his father's chest, the scent of the many flowers being blown around in the wind, not yet falling asleep in the chill of early November.

"They are lovely," Thorin said as he planted a kiss on Bilbo's head earning a chuckle. 

"How about we put on some disguises and go for a walk?" Bilbo suggested, planning on putting on a proper get up this time to avoid any lookie-loos. 

"That does sound fun" Thorin admitted, he had gotten all his paperwork done quicker than usual, and the rest of the day was free, why not go for a nice walk? Giving Frodo some proper socialization and getting out of the house would be good for everyone after everything that had been going on. 

Dressing Frodo in a warm onesie, putting on wigs and some proper fall attire, plus some fake glasses was a quick job, neither one of them wanted to waste time putting too many details on and headed out.  
\--

"He seems to be having fun" Thorin noted Frodo's happy babbling as a leaf fell from a tree and landed in his stroller much to the babe's delight as he grabbed it to snuggle as if it was one of his plush toys.

"Yes, he does" Bilbo nodded as he brushed a long strand from the blond wig out of his eyes as Thorin adjusted his hat that hid his own long locks under a short brown wig that he said itched, but it might have been the beanie hat it was attached to and the scarf around his face to hide his beard could not have helped any. 

"Mommy lookie! A baby!" came a little voice as a girl with her own blond curls tied back in pink ribbons rushed over, in a muggle ballerina outfit, her obviously long-suffering, but also amused mother at her heels. 

"I am so sorry, she's learned she was getting a baby brother and now all babies fascinate her" The mother tried to apologize as her daughter bounced up and down trying to get a good peek inside the pram.

"It's quite alright" Bilbo smiled and chuckled as Thorin lightly picked the girl up just enough so she could see Frodo properly.

"He's so TINY!" The girl cooed, thankfully being content to just look and not try to poke at Frodo as some children might have.

"You were even tinier than him at one point sweetie" her mother smiled as said daughter appeared amazed that these adorable things got even smaller! 

The baby in question looked at her curiously before babbling and giggling at the new face, content she was not going to flash a big scary thing at his face.

"He's talking mama, he likes me" the little girl grinned, her whole day had been made! 

"He is talkative to those he likes" Thorin confirmed smiling, thinking about when Frodo grew into a young boy, would he keep that talkative nature? Befriending others left and right, young and old? Or would he become a quiet bookworm? A small circle of well-trusted companions at his side? Or something in between?

Only time would tell  
\---  
The walk home was pleasant, Frodo having fallen asleep after his encounter with the little girl, seemingly worn out by the child's energy.

"Frerin wants to bring a date to our family dinner tonight" Thorin mentioned as Bilbo rolled his eyes.

"Well tell him, no, he can't hold Frodo throughout dinner to try and charm whoever he's bringing," Bilbo said bluntly, knowing Frerin had suggested more than once he take Frodo to the park and the last time that happened Thorin's brother came home smelling like cologne everyone knew he would not use on a bet and had straight black hair that could not have come from Frodo on his coat. 

"Thankfully it seems to be miss or mister mystery parkkeeper that he is bringing and not another fling who drinks all the booze, pukes in the bushes, and is never heard from again" 

"You know how to paint a detailed picture, my love...and thank you for the warning to hide my good stuff" 

"We tried that one time, the girl had a nose like one of those sniffer dogs, found the stash and drank half of it before my mother kicked her out" 

"Where does your brother FIND these people?!" 

\---

"No"

"Come on he loves Frodo!" Frerin begged Bilbo as the doorbell rang signaling his date was at the door. 

"Good, then he can see Frodo when he is properly inside the house and we can see who he is" Bilbo responded sternly as Frerin gave a sigh and answered the door and walked back in with a man who was only a couple inches taller than Bilbo who had a dark hair and beard that he had braided. 

Frodo squealed and reached for him 

"Hey, little guy! Sorry, no hat for you to chew today!" the man walked over to Bilbo "Bofur McLaughlin at your service!" the man now known as Bofur said giving a hammy bow. 

Bilbo could not help but chuckle at the man's actions, he seemed rather jolly and Frodo obviously liked him, which was good enough for Bilbo for now.

"You know you had a man in your bushes? He was trying to open a window so I punched him"

Ok, Bilbo liked him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chose McLaughlin as Bofur's last name as ...it has laugh in it how could I NOT?
> 
> Not a long chapter...but we get our favorite hatted dwarf!


	10. Chapter 10

"You should have seen his face when I caught him not cleaning up his pet's leftovers! Then he tries running off and slips in it!" Bofur laughed, making sure to keep Frodo steady on his lap and no one at the table could keep from giggling themselves as despite how nasty the image was, it was still humorous to boot!

"It must be an everyday adventure working at that park," Bilbo said as he wiped his mouth of some of the juice he had spilled after biting back an undignified snort. 

"Trust me it is! How many people try and get away with everything and then some is ridiculous!" Bofur confirmed taking a swig of his own drink, keeping it out of Frodo's grasp "No, too big for little mouths" 

"Oh, we know, I'm sure Frerin has updated you on all the nonsense that has been trying to bang our door down the past months" Bilbo grumbled thinking about it. 

"Those types never learn, they just like to nose about and perhaps earn a quick grab of cash from whoever idiot is willing to buy the pics, nothing better to do I bet, got no lives of their own so they gotta butt into everyone else," Bofur said, remembering how his cousin had gotten a head injury defending a girl who was going to be assaulted and how the pig tried to sue him, then the press had tried to take advantage of Bifur's head wound to make him say something crazy or wrong. 

His cousin may have gotten a bit off after the incident, but he was not stupid! Thankfully the girl happened to come from a good family herself and was able to confirm that Bifur was in fact in the right and that she would be forever grateful to him for saving her.

The smile on Bifur's face upon hearing her words had been worth all the trouble they had gone through and his cousin was slowly recovering.

Better than how things could have been  
\---  
This was not what Thrain expected his younger son to bring to dinner...

Not that he was complaining

Perhaps Frerin was growing up a bit, finally trying to find someone to settle down with instead of bringing someone to the house who he knew would drive his brother batty. 

Thorin looked confused at most of the jokes and laughed at others instead of looking as if he wanted to throw his brother's date and his brother with them out the nearest window.

One time he did, an open one thankfully, then chased them both around the backyard with a hose screaming obscenities after the date had done something to Thorin's things that he had never bothered to specify. 

Nor was anyone sure they wanted to know

\---

Perhaps they would never be free from the grasping fingers of the media, but they would make the best of the situation...

Now, what were Thorin and Frerin doing? 

Thorin was unceremoniously dragged off to another room by his younger brother who was grinning like a cat who caught a paticuarly fat bird and the dark-haired sibling wondered if he should be nervous...

"What did you want to tell me Frerin?" 

"Well...brother dear..."

\---

"YOU PLAN TO WHAT!?" 

Thorin's reaction and the ring glistening on the park keepers finger did not go unnoticed and everyone sitting at the table only thought of one thing...

Here we go again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had two hard ciders and a margarita before writing this so if anything seems loopy THATS WHY! HAHA!

**Author's Note:**

> It has been YEARS since I have watched/read Harry Potter so excuse me for anything I get wrong ....this is an AU though soo...hope it won't be TOO bad...
> 
> and people usually make Thorin the herbology prof...and that is what he was GOING to be in the story...but I think transfiguration worked better since that is kinda what dwarves do, transform things (even though he is not a dwarf here...but maybe we can have some fun with the ancestries going forward..)
> 
> What do you guys think is going to happen?


End file.
